I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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