is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
