I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i think i have herpe
just one?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize