went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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