So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
