Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
