So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
that is very illegal...i love you.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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