She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
