i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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