I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just cut my nipple shaving
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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