Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
