we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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