Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
