i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
