I think im going to throw up on grandma
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We talked him into tasing himself.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
