I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
