Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
