His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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