he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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