we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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