I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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