even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
