My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize