Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
