Im at strip club and am horny
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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