The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
