Don't you send me to vm
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
