I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
