I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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