You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
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