a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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