i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
