I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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