dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
