My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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