the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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