the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
