I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize