Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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