i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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