the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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