I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
