What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
