the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
