She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
