Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
