Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
