it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My life is pants optional.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
