woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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