my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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