the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
