I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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