i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
