The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
