the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
