For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
