Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
