I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
