Kiss
Puke
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
