well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
