I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
