i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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