I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
