There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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