How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
