none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize