you guys were way drunker than both of me
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize