Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
