Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
