At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Terrible idea I love it
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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