God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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