I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize