Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
