The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
