I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
