I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
