i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize