Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
