I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We left the knife in your bed.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
