It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize