I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
