I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
