I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
