my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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