Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
