STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
