I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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