He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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