I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
