Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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