I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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