You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
