after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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