Im at strip club and am horny
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize