it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You are the jesus of drinking
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
