he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
