I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
