you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
