You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
