i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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