Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
