hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
