question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
