No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
