forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize