where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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