Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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