Sponge bath it is.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
