honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
