we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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