Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
